No, I did not get spanked, thank you very much. And I still think it was at least partly Quint’s fault. He knows us shopping together is just asking for trouble. But did that excuse me from going with him to pick out furnishings for the new apartment? Nope. Not even when I said it was going to be his office, so what did I care what it looked like? He told me we both lived there, and the shopping trip wouldn’t be a big production.
I started to lose it in the bedding department. I mean, really, is there an ACTUAL difference between thread counts?? I don’t think there is. I’m sure I heard on the news or something that it’s a bunch of BS… Must look that up and show Quint.
But anyway, he was debating over Egyptian cotton versus something called “sateen” (for a bed, may I remind you, that was going to be primarily used by a pair of eight-year-olds), and I happened to notice a wall of throw pillows around the corner. Monogrammed throw pillows.
So, naturally, I spelled my name. That was it, just “THEO”. Then I went to check on Quint and found he’d picked the Egyptian cotton and moved on to comforters.
“Do you know if there’s a color Lyra and Griffin both like?” he asked me.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “Nope. Want me to call Zeg and check?” At least she would provide some kind of distraction. Keeping people from going nuts is her job, afterall.
“No, that’s alright,” Quint said. “We can go with something neutral, I think.”
“Sounds good!” I said, encouragingly. “Grab one and let’s get out of here.”
He gave me a mild Look. “We also need curtains, a bed skirt, and shams.”
I went back to the throw pillows. It was that or suffocate him with a sham.
The second time, I got more…. creative? Look, the store provided the letters! It didn’t have the whole alphabet, but there were plenty of Cs, Os, and Ks. Then I found an S down low on the end shelf and added that, just to make it extra-special.
I was pulling out my phone to snap a photo of my handiwork when Quint reappeared, as he does, at exactly the wrong moment. If he’d taken thirty seconds longer to pick a damn comforter, the pillows would’ve been all scrambled again.
Almost dropping my phone, I spun around and tried to look innocent. “What?”
“Put them back how they were now.”
Uh-oh, he seemed to be viewing it much more seriously than I thought he would. Like, finding-an-out-of-the-way-bathroom-for-a-discussion seriously. From sheer nervousness, I said, “That is how they were! I was just taking a picture of them!”
His eyebrows both went skyward. Calmly, he asked, “Was your name also already spelled out, then?”
Shiiiit. I forgot I’d gone and signed it.
I didn’t answer Quint’s question. At that point, I figured obedience was the better part of valor, so I moved the pillows around until they spelled nothing at all.
“Thank you,” he said. “Now, you will stay in my eyesight until we leave. Come help me decide between two comforters.”
We wound up with the most boring gray one you could imagine. Then I had to trot along at his heels and pick a whole bunch of other stuff.
When we finally got home, I almost wished it had taken longer, though, because as soon as we put the stuff in the empty room that would be his office, he steered me into the bathroom across the hall and washed my mouth out. Protesting that I hadn’t actually said any bad words got me nowhere.
“This is for lying, as well,” he replied. “Unless you’d like to deal with them separately, in which case we certainly can.”
I declined. Very politely. Still had to hold the soap in my mouth for a full five minutes, but it was better than soap and a spanking.
See? I didn’t get a sore butt. 😛